Science reveals why it is so difficult to forget a great love

It produces a "brain conflict" that makes it indelible. Neurobiology studies show that an intense love affair creates residual impressions in the brain that are easily reactivated. The more information was recorded, the more vivid the memories are.

She sighs, let's call her Paula, and says a year has passed since the night they hugged each other and decided to end that relationship. And that despite having gone down thousands of times to dig into their sadness, there are memories that are still activated by the smell of olive oil or by that song. He says that in the body those memories feel like love - although never more different - a knot in the stomach, palpitations, chest pain. What she does not know is that if these images insist on returning, it is because not everything depends on the will to forget: there is a neurological circuit that fixes with greater intensity the memories that were incorporated by the hand of a strong emotional context. It is this ball that is beginning to untangle neurobiology to explain why it is so difficult to forget a great love.

"From a neurological point of view, staying alone for a while does not help to overcome the end of a relationship," says Antoine Bechara, a world-renowned neurobiologist for his research on brain functions involved in decision-making. It refers to being alone after a separation or covering everything with a new partner that does not prevent the brain from sending memories. What Bechara investigated is what he calls "brain conflict": on the one hand the relationship ends; on the other, the brain continues to fire images and bodily reactions. To study it, neurobiologists use Functional Magnetic Resonance, a technique that allows them to determine which brain areas perform certain functions, such as speech, movement, and sensitivity.

What makes a memory sealed by fire? "In the temporal lobe, there are two structures. One is called the hippocampus and declarative memory passes through it, that is, from remembering what day it is today to the face of a couple. Next to it is another called the amygdala, which contains emotional memory. For declarative information to pass through the hippocampus and be distributed in the brain, there must be an emotional context: for example, an atypical and unknown situation lived with such great affection. When the amygdala detects that emotional context, it sends neurotransmitters to the hippocampus. This is how it is incorporated into memory as a fixation phenomenon ”, details Ignacio Brusco, director of the Center for Behavioral Neurology and Neuropsychiatry at the UBA.

Why then, even after a long time, do those images and sensations come back that hijack the body? "It is the amygdala that continues to respond with involuntary emotional discharges, such as stomach pain or palpitations," says Brusco.

And it is not the same when it comes to a passing romance than with true love: “The more information that was recorded about that effect, in quantity or quality, the more it will be on the amygdala and the more reactions it will follow sending. These memories can appear as images but also as smells, auditory sensations, and as thought processes ”, he adds. Those who are still going through the year usually take a loving duel to know what those smells hurt.

Hanging out with a former partner and feeling a waterfall of vivid memories unfold (even if he or she hasn't even seen us) is also frequent. To explain it, Ezequiel Gleichgerrcht, a neurobiologist at the Institute of Cognitive Neurology (INECO), quotes the hypothesis of Antonio Damasio, another prestigious neuroscience researcher: "According to his 'somatic marker hypothesis, there are experiences that trigger chemical signals in our body. For example: if we walk through the field and for the first time in life we come across a viper that opens its mouth and leaps towards us, a set of molecules will be released that will be associated with the feeling of fear. If we cross again with a viper, this pattern will be triggered again and it will produce the same sensation of fear even if it does not even open its mouth ”. Did you say viper to the ex? No. "Although this model remains being debated, we will understand why certain emotions, positive or negative, can last once we expose ourselves to the one that generated those feelings."

Thus, the phrase made "time helps to forget" also has its scientific explanation: "Over time when the brain connections that facilitate the review of critical situations and negative emotions become saturated, they may suffer what is called 'down-regulation': a decrease in neurotransmitters in the neuronal exchange zone. This would explain why memories linked to someone important are losing weight, "says Claudio Waisburg, a neurologist at the Favaloro Foundation. Time to time.